The bell tolls (and tolls and tolls and tolls) for a puzzled Tom Fleming TD

Supporters of Independent TD Tom Fleming have made some bizarre excuses for his poor voting record in the Dáil.

An Irish Independent report revealed that the Kerry South TD did not vote on 14 of the 20 occasions he was fobbed into the Dáil to claim thousands of Euro and travel accommodation costs.

The excuses given by John O’Connor, a management consultant representing the TD tells us more about the low opinion Mr. Fleming has of his political colleagues than it does about his poor Dáil record.

According to Mr. O’Connor Deputy Fleming has an ethical compass, he has a brain and if others had the same intellect as his leader the country wouldn’t be in the mess it was in now.

The suggestion seems to be that there’s a serious lack of brains and ethical compasses in our national parliament.

I have to say there’s a lot of truth in that claim.

He’s not in there to prop up a government and he’s not there to oppose things for the sake of it either, he’s not a nihilist.

What? He’s not a nihilist? I quickly checked the dictionary to see if I had been in error regarding the meaning of this word.

No, no I wasn’t.

a. An extreme form of skepticism that denies all existence.

b. A doctrine holding that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated.

Then, suddenly, I realised what Mr. O’Connor was trying to say:

All Irish politicians, with the exception of his leader, of course, were deniers of all existence, believed that all values were baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated.

Feck, the guy is a genius. It’s the most accurate assessment of the Irish body politic I have ever heard.

But the most bizarre and most hilarious excuse comes from the great man himself.

Deputy Fleming said he missed a number of votes at the start of the Dáil term because, as a new TD, he did not know what the bell calling deputies to the chamber to vote was for.

I fell about laughing when I read this most pristine of gombeen excuses.

All new TDs are provided with written and oral advice regarding Dáil procedures, responsibilities and regulations.

I’m not sure, however, if it’s thought necessary to inform new TDs about the bell which is broadcast throughout the entire building.

Its function, after all, is to call deputies to vote in the chamber which is the most basic part of their job.

It would be a bit like an official thinking it necessary to say to a new TD – Do you see that building in front of you, well that’s Dáil Éireann.

The door in the centre of the building is the entrance, there’s no other door so you can’t miss it.

I can just imagine Deputy Fleming working away in his office when this loud and very strange sounding bell starts ringing.

Feck it, he thinks, what is that noise? I’m finding it very hard to concentrate on my expenses application.

After several days of really hard thinking and with his head near bursting he gives up and decides to ring a fellow (non nihilist) TD.

Tom: Howya Paddy, could you ever tell me what that fecking bell is for?

Paddy: I’ve been racking my very intelligent brain for days now Tom and I just can’t figure it out.

I suppose if it’s a fire alarm we’d have had our arses burnt off by now.

Tom: Maybe it’s calling us to lunch although it seems to go off at all sorts of times.

Paddy: And it couldn’t be calling us to the bar for free drinks, their free all the time.

Tom: could it be calling us to prayers, ya know, like them Muslim fellows?

Paddy: I doubt it Tom, us Catholics don’t go in for all that public prayer stuff.

Tom: Oh Jazus Paddy, please tell me it’s not for calling us to collect our expenses.

Paddy: Oh bollicks, I’ll bet that’s exactly what it’s for. Come on; let’s get our arses down to the paymaster before we lose our entitlements.

We're all doomed I tell ya, doomed

I can feel it in my bones, it’s stirring in my bowels, the relentless tapping of the keyboard is like a beating drum in my brain.

Somebody, somewhere out there is feverishly working on a sermon warning us that the UK riots were caused by evil secularists and depraved atheists.

That the love of material things has finally brought about the deserved downfall of a sinful species.

It could be David Quinn, John Waters, Breda O’Brien or Mary Kenny – Take your pick.

Tapping away, getting the message out that the end of days is near, that the road to perdition has run its course.

Return to the one true god all you evil ones before it’s too late, before you’re thrown into the fires of Hell for all eternity.

We’re doomed I tell you, all doomed.

New TDs expenses system does not prevent fraud

A recent report in the Irish Independent highlighted the low vote participation by TDs when compared to high claims for expenses.

TDs are required to electronically ‘fob in’ at a terminal, or else sign in at an attendance book, to claim travel and overnight costs.

These annual benefits range from €12,000 to €37,850, depending on where the politician calls home.

It comes on top of expenses of up to €25,700 for running a constituency office and a basic salary of around €92,000.

For the running of their constituency office TDs can choose a vouched or unvouched system.

With the unvouched system they receive €15, 00; no questions asked. With the vouched system they receive €25,700 but may be asked to produce receipts.

This ‘new’ system was introduced in March 2010 and is hailed by all those who benefit as a great step forward in transparency and accountability.

The ‘new’ system is, of course, neither transparent nor accountable as I found out when I spoke to a civil servant in the Houses of the Oireachtas.

On the fob in system.

Me: Who is responsible for monitoring the fob system?

Civil Servant: The Houses of the Oireachtas.

Me: What particular individual is responsible?

Civil Servant: I don’t know if it’s a specific individual, I mean, the records are checked, monitored and marked.

Me: Is it that TDs scan their fobs and are electronically recorded?

Civil Servant: Yes.

Me: Is it a civil servant who checks that record?

Civil Servant: I don’t know, the records are published on a monthly basis on our website.

Me: The reason I’m asking this question is because there’s obviously huge scope for fraud within the system.

Civil Servant: How do you work that out?

Me: If I was a TD in Kerry, for example, I could give my fob to a colleague TD and ask him to fob in for me.

Civil Servant: You could do that I suppose.

Me: So is there somebody there to make sure this is not happening?

Civil Servant: No.

Me: So there is scope for fraud in the system?

Civil Servant: Well, on that rationale there’s a possibility for fraud on everything, in every walk of life.

Me: Of course, but what I mean is there’s a possibility of easy fraud in this system.

Civil Servant: Well if you want to suggest that Oireachtas members are engaged in that, that’s up to you. We have no evidence of that at all.

Me: Well, you couldn’t have evidence because you don’t actually monitor the system which leaves lots of scope for fraud.

Civil Servant: That’s what you’re saying, I don’t agree with that.

Me: Could you confirm that there is actually no way to prevent fraud, somebody could, if they wished, fob in somebody else.

Civil Servant: There’s no evidence of that happening; never saw anybody do it.

Me: Is the system monitored, is there any way of preventing a TD from fobbing in for another TD?

Civil Servant: Other than they’re no allowed to do it and they’re told they’re no allowed to do it, that’s what we say to them.

On the signing in system.

Me: Is the signing in monitored?

Civil Servant; Most of them don’t sign in; I don’t know how many exactly sign in.

Me: The TDs that do sign in, are they monitored?

Civil Servant: I don’t know if any of them do, it’s an option.

Me: You don’t know?

Civil Servant: Not off hand, no.

Me: Even if one TD signs in, there’s a record. If no TD signs in, there’s still a record. Is that record checked?

Civil Servant: What do you mean checked?

Me: To make sure TDs are genuinely signing in and not signing in for each other.

Civil Servant: Yes, I suppose they could if they wanted to be very dishonest.

Me: Perish the thought that a TD would be dishonest.

Civil Servant: That’s what you’re saying. In life, if somebody wants to do something dishonest, they could, it’s quite hard to stop people. We have no evidence of that happening.

On the Voucher system.

Me: I understand there’s a percentage of unvouched vouchers checked annually.

Civil Servant: Yes, there’s an audit on 10% of unvouched vouchers.

Me: Is that audit available to the public?

Civil Servant: It’s still being carried out at present, I understand so it’s not available yet.

Me: I rang about this audit last year and was told the same thing.

Civil Servant: Ok, well, the audit is being carried out at present.

Me: When will it be available?

Civil Servant: I don’t know, when it’s finished, we’re very transparent here in the Oireachtas

Me: Yes, of course, you’re very transparent. What period does the audit cover?

Civil Servant: I don’t know. I think it covers the period since the new scheme came in March 2010.

Me: Is there a requirement that the audit be published within a particular time period?

Civil Servant: I imagine when it is concluded we’ll be publishing it. I don’t know if we will be publishing it, I can’t give you a definitive answer on that. We’ve had several requests for it, so I imagine it will be.

Me: So if I come back next year there’s a good chance it will be available.

Civil Servant: I don’t know, I don’t know precisely what date it’s going to be finished.

I first enquired about the so called voucher audit four years ago and was told there was no such audit.

I enquired again in 2008 and was told it wasn’t available because they were working on the new ‘transparent and accountable’ system of expenses.

Last year I was told it wasn’t available because the ‘new’ system wasn’t in long enough.

This year I’m told I may, but then again, I may not be granted access to the audit.

The bottom line is obvious. The so called new system of transparency and accountability does nothing to prevent fraud. Politicians can, if they wish, rob public monies with complete impunity.

If we are to judge from past events that is exactly what’s going to happen.

Bruton demands sacrifices from everybody – except himself

If we want to fix the current (financial) mess we must pay ourselves less.

This, according to John Bruton, is the only way out of our current problems, he goes on: (my emphasis)

In essence, the cause of today’s debt problems is that developed countries awarded themselves a living standard they had not earned.

It will all mean postponing increases in living standards, paying more tax, and getting fewer benefits from the Government.

Does this mean that Bruton will be giving up or substantially reducing the following Government benefits?

The nearly quarter of a million he has drawn down under the (totally unjustified) Secretarial Assistants Scheme for former Taoisigh.

His TDs pension.

His Ministerial pension.

His Taoiseach’s pension.

Any EU (Government) benefit he’s in receipt of as a result of his stint as EU Ambassador to the US.

Any generous Government/EU payments or subsidies he may be receiving for his farm.

A reduction in his present salary as chairman of the IFSC.

Somehow I think Bruton will be holding on to all his ‘entitlements’.

The ‘we’ he is demanding major sacrifices from are, I suspect, ordinary citizens struggling to survive the financial disaster brought down upon them by ruthless, incompetent politicians like Bruton.

New white-collar crime legislation

Legislation aimed at strengthening Garda powers when investigating white-collar crime and legally protecting those who turn whistleblower comes into operation today.

Key provisions in the new laws seek to bolster the hand of gardaí when a witness is unwilling to attend Garda interviews or supply information like financial records. Such uncooperative behaviour can seriously hamper or derail the progress of an investigation (Irish Times).

This new legislation is obviously in response to the current investigation into Anglo Irish Bank and other financial institutions.

My first reaction?

Stand by for an announcement from an apparently disappointed minister telling us that, unfortunately, the new law cannot be applied retrospectively.

Betting on the future of humanity

Many years ago I came to the conclusion that, as a species, humans are doomed to self destruction. The only question is; will we take the rest of nature down with us.

The seemingly unstoppable destruction of the environment, on which we depend for our very existence, was the principal reason for my pessimistic conclusion but recent events on the global financial market have added to my despair.

When the Murdochs were being quizzed before a Parliamentary Committee a television channel was simultaneously broadcasting a live graph indicating how the markets were responding to the event.

So when Murdoch Snr., for example, said something negative the graph took a tumble but when Murdoch Jnr. gave a positive answer the markets shot up again.

When Murdoch’s wife leapt to his defence after he was attacked by a pie wielding assailant the markets went up. The television commentator explained that the markets were probably impressed with her gutsy response.

This is an absolutely insane way to run a planet but that is the frightening reality.

Just two individuals, out of the seven billion that inhabit the planet, can have devastating effects on the fate, happiness and prosperity of countless thousands by uttering a simple sentence like:

This is the most humbling day of my life.

The fate, happiness and prosperity of billions of people, businesses, countries and even the very stability of the planet itself depends, to a large extent, on a tiny group of people betting on how events might effect their profits, it’s like playing Russian Roulette with five bullets in the chamber.

We witness some of the most powerful people on the planet responding to the current crisis with pathetic pleas to the market. Please believe us, you’re being unfair; tell us how we can please you.

What’s required, of course, is a completely new global system that allows people to prosper, to make all the money they want but without endangering the entire planet – in other words, a strictly controlled capitalist system.

And, of course, the on-going financial crisis will have devastating consequences for the environment because the only solution being proposed to resolve the crisis is – growth, growth, growth and more growth.

This means that even the modest measures taken to date to slow down environmental destruction will be abandoned so that the looting of the planet’s very limited resources can continue to generate profits.

Mary Hanafin and her mother at the Áras

A caller to RTE said that Mary Hanafin’s ambition for the Presidency was nothing more than ego mania – such cruelty.

I have it on good authority that poor Mary has been suffering terribly since her arse was forcibly removed from the comfortable leather of her ministerial car.

She particularly misses the sight of riff raff being hauled away to court by burly policemen for daring to impede her imperial route.

Since being booted out of office by the ungrateful peasants poor Mary is lost in a sea of normality, a jungle of ordinariness where she even has to drive her own car and mix with the dirty peasants on the streets and in the shops.

Living in the arse, oops, I mean the Áras, would suit our regal Mary down to the ground. All that pomp and ceremony, all those cars and jets, all those expenses

It’s just the sort of lifestyle our Mary has become used to as a government minister.

And concerned citizens need not worry that Mary doesn’t have a partner to accompany her on all those boringly expensive engagements around the world.

When Mary was minister her mother patriotically volunteered to spend all the taxpayer’s money she could to ensure her daughter wasn’t lonely as she jetted around the world.

Mary’s mother would, however, have to be very careful if she was living in the Park with her daughter President in case of nasty accidents.

In 2009, Mary’s mother won a claim for damages following a fall at Leinster House.

We don’t know how much the poor dear was paid. That’s a state secret, you understand.

The taxpayer must pay but the amount is none of his/her business.

But a fall on her arse, oops, I mean at the Áras, could cost the hard pressed taxpayer considerably more so I’m sure she would be extra careful.

School costs – Who benefits?

The annual discussion regarding the ever increasing cost of preparing children for the school year was aired on RTE today.

Although there’s a great mass of hot air vented every year on this topic the situation is really very basic.

A school jumper bought in Dunnes Stores costs about €15/20 and will easily last the year.

A school jumper bought from a ‘favoured’ outlet with a fancy crest costs in the region of €60.

So, just like the school prefab rental scandal, all we have to find out is – who benefits?

Israelis take to the streets: Irish remain docile and obedient

At least a quarter of a million Israelis, fed up with the mounting cost of living, have taken to the streets to demand action from the government.

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, seen by many middle class Israelis as too friendly to big business, is under increasing pressure to break up business monopolies and cartels.

The protests started three weeks ago when a few young people pitched a tent encampment on a posh Tel Aviv street shouting ‘social justice for the people’ and ‘Revolution’.

Popular mass demonstrations against government as opposed to protests from self-interested groups?

Young people on the streets calling for revolution?

Middle class demanding that the government act against mafia type big business?

Meanwhile in Ireland, Joe Higgins, leader of the most ‘revolutionary’ party in the country, has warned that protests against the €100 household tax are being planned – sometime next year.

The Government must be quaking in its boots?