Bertie – "The man totally devoted to bounce."

I genuinely thought it impossible that any Bertie fanatic could surpass the stupidity of Declan Lynch’s defence of the great leader – but I was wrong.

Brendan O’Connor wrote things in last Sunday’s paper that I’m sure, if he has an ounce of self respect, will make him cringe in embarrassment for years to come. The principal point of the piece is that Bertie the great leader was down but now he’s back – with bounce.

Here are some choice quotes.

In his heyday, Bertie used to rival Tom Cruise for bounce.

He became the public man, the man with no personal life, the man totally devoted to public service and to his public, the man totally devoted to bounce.

It was only when the Bertie bounce returned last week that we saw what we’d been missing.

He draws strength and energy from us, and we from him. That’s what being a leader is about. Hence, the bounce of the last week was good for everyone.

Bertie’s never happier than when he’s connected to his people, getting the love.

He looked energised. And he fed off his people and they showed it on the news and we fed off him.

And as much as it’s old fashioned and sexist, we do like to feel that there’s a benevolent but tough patriarch watching over us. And it was difficult to watch the Daddy seeming to lose his power. But it seems like the Daddy is back and we can sleep easy in our beds. He has thrust the darkness to one side.

Come to the light, Bertie. We need you here. And our love will buoy you up.

The man totally devoted to the bounce? We can sleep easy in our beds now because the Daddy is back to thrust the darkness to one side? Come to the light, Bertie. We need you here. And our love will buoy you up?

I mean, is this man serious? Let’s for a moment forget about Bertie, about corruption in Ireland, let’s forget about Ireland altogether.

Let’s imagine that O’Connor is writing about the greatest man that has ever lived, a man that has fed the hungry masses of the world, a man who has persuaded all nations to cease war, a man who has reversed global warming, a man who has saved the world for all generations to come – It would still be cringingly embarrassing to describe such a man in the manner that O’Connor writes about his hero.

And what about O’Connor’s friends and work colleagues? Out of kindness, do they avoid talking about the great leader in case Brendan suddenly launches into a Bertie bounce? Is there really anybody out there, apart from fellow Bertie worshippers Jody Corcoran and Declan Lynch who actually believes in the Bertie love bounce?

Those Fianna Fail propaganda boys have a lot to answer for.

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Brendan O’Connor