Eoghan Murphy: Political reform? Yes, but only if the ruling elite hold power

Fine Gael TD (and political coward) Eoghan Murphy is continuing his crusade to reform Irish politics before the evil ones in Sinn Fein and other ‘lefties’ seize power and destroy the great civilisation so labourisly built up, brick by democratic brick, by Fine Gael, Fianna Fail and Labour over the decades.

Speaking on the Today with Sean O’Rourke Murphy, a serious competitor to Leo Varadkar for political Messiah of the decade, repeated his call for political reform.

The Irish Water debacle represents a failure of the political system, we’ve got to hold the Government to account, we’ve got to get rid of the Economic Management Council (EMC).

And then…and then…he said something profound….wait for it…wait for it.

We have to stop making these mistakes because we have a history of making bad mistakes in our political system because the system is the way it is.

I swooned at the sheer depth, the sheer insight of this young visionary.

Why oh why, I cried, did none of our past Great Leaders, who built our magnificent democracy with their bare hands, without an expense sheet in sight, not possess the wisdom of this Messiah?

But there was more…much more.

Just yesterday, said the brave Eoghan, I was talking to the Great Leader himself; the Great Enda and I told him (again) about my blueprint for political reform that I put to paper in 2012.

Go forth young man, said the Great One, go forth and consult with your colleagues and when you have done so, come back to me and we will make history, we will save the people from the evil lefties.

(As the Great Enda turned away he was heard to mutter – Feckin’ eejit).

And then, before I could catch my breath – another flash of wisdom from Murphy.

There’s a desire, particularly among new TDs who aren’t used to the old way of doing things, to give more powers to the Dail.

My God, I screamed – more power for the people’s parliament? Is there no end to this man’s vision?

Ok, he’s not promising full power to parliament, like real democracies, but you can see where he’s going. Some day, perhaps in a few decades, full democracy may reign in the land.

At this stage I was on my knees, praying to the radio. A promise of real democracy albeit at some point in the future, deliverance from the evil lefties.

Free at last, I thought, free at last – Hallelujah.

And then…..a crushing blow when the great reformer was asked:

Do you think your fellow TD Noel Coonan was fair in comparing Left wing politicians with ISIS?

Well, ya know, Noel’s an emotional guy. I think he was trying to express the disappointment we all have when we see parliamentary colleagues like the Murph going out and showing their kind of leadership which is trying to stoke civil unrest, it seems, and to be very unfair towards fellow parliamentarians.

If that’s the Left’s definition of leadership I think it’s a very poor one, it’s not to be welcomed and Noel was trying to speak to that.

Well feck it anyway. One simple question with a simple answer and the Great Messiah couldn’t do it.

The gombeen gene is so deeply ingrained in his political brain that it instantly triggered a reversion to the old way of doing things.

A politically intelligent politician would simply have admitted that Coonan had been a bit over the top and that would have been fine, well, by Irish political standards anyway.

But no, this ‘reforming’ Fine Gael TD was not now, not ever going to criticise one from his own tribe no matter how stupid, insulting or inflammatory his views.

It’s all very well referring to the lefties as a sinister lot, all very well trying to educate the peasants about what’s best for them, all very well preaching democracy, accountability and political reform but criticise a fellow member of the long established ruling class – no way, that’s not going to happen.

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Eoghan Murphy
Fine Gael