By Anthony Sheridan
A great fear stalks the land. An evil force, greater than any witnessed since the creation of the Cosmos, has invaded the green isle of Ireland.
The evil? – Sinn Fein.
The fear? – That the evil one will supplant the white knights of Fianna Fail, Fine Gael and Labour who have, since 1922, ruled our great nation with wisdom, courage and honesty.
The evil one is on the point of victory, only one force stands heroically in its path, only one force with the courage, patriotism and strength to save the people from their own foolishness for even contemplating voting for the dark one.
That force? THE SUNDAY INDEPENDENT (Triumphant fanfare).
Tomorrow is the day of judgement when the SINDO engages in its final battle with the evil one before polling day.
Tomorrow is the day of justice when the SINDO, after many years of battle, delivers justice by slaying the evil dragon on behalf of a great but ungrateful people.
Every article, every sentence, every full stop will be recruited to do battle…including:
The horoscope:
A dark force will destroy you unless you vote as we advise.
The weather:
Dark clouds are approaching from the Left. Get out your umbrella’s and wellies on to save yourselves.
Sports:
It’s a game of two halves – good and evil. Cheer for the white knights, boo the evil one.
The personals:
Wanted: Unthinking/gullible voters to continue supporting the corrupt political system that has impoverished the people and enriched the powerful.
